Complete FREAK......... Controled madness

I WONDER, I wonder how come i have been so silent all this while.
How come i have been accepting losses all this while,
that too with this big heart n that great patience.

I WONDER, I wonder from where did I get this amazing patience,
I wonder how long I will continue to loose????
I wonder where was the old real "me" all this while????
I wonder will he come back????


YUP, He will n he has to be back..... after 2-3 years of silence and absorbing/ sustaining/ compromising/ bearing all those shitty things I have to be back... the passion seems to be climbing bit more, as if m getting younger and not older. The heart is again beating as fast as it ever did and it's screaming "WIN" "WIN" "Victory" "Success" .... And brain replies... we will........

Wierd.... as wierd as it could get, isnt it? It's the thought anyone will pass through after going through above lines. But yes, thats what ma heart is yelling out, it's telling me to hook and pull every bouncer bowled at you, its telling me to fire back every bullet aimed at you, its telling me to RUN HARD TO WIN.

India won today's match this happened after India stunned England yesterday. Today Indian team went hard on the hosts "South Africa", Indians not just won the match but threw out South Africa from the tournament. Well..........thats the SPIRIT man..... I know m sounding violently aggressive....ha ha.......Trust me, I wont get real violent......but I even can't control ma passion.

I have been running 4 to 4.6 Km since last 7-8 days and the way hurt pumps blood is perfect for this kind of passion. :) and the better thing is that m loving it, m enjoying it :) Hutch Half Marathon is a 35 days away n m eager to run..... m pumped up with my long distance running and the India's Win (even if they loose next game)

Going back, I can visualise all those years that brought so many changes in me, I used to be the one who never accepted failure. "Rohit", use to cry alone in his hostel room whenever he lost any game/ competetion, he used to fret n frown n brood over smallest loss. All those bets to win, I remember. I remember all those wins in different GD and debate Competetions, Table Tennis, cricket and Football matches. But I can not forget the failures too, it always looked as if my loss was a result of conspiracy, it felt as if i m being targetted by favourism, m being cheated. It gave pain, it hurted, n i was always bruised, used to cry for days till something better happend. I can not forget the days when I couldn't sit for Placements in final year of engineering (coz i couldn't clear one exam). I remember when every one was shocked after a company announced that I'll get 15-20k Stipend plus a chance of PPO (Pre Placement Offer). No one imagined that I'll be the one. But more than that I remember the PPO which I never got and my two other frnz succeeded in getting that. I remember when I was praised for all the good i was doing at job. But more than that I remember when my boss's boss warned me "either ship in or ship out", I remember when our MD warned me "you aren't doing good, concentrate on job and forget trivial issues that are bothering u".

I remember all ma failures more than my successes, coz my failures always bothered me and they still continue to do so.

Till 4-5 years back, i had no idea about how to accept a loss or a failure. All i had in me was that this was mine and i dint get it, there's a big conspiracy and unjustice happening around. And I always brooded over the thought for days n weeks and months. I could never accept when she walked out of ma life. But all these years I have learnt to accept defeats and losses. I have been a good looser. Good Looser: not the one who loves loosing but the one who know's that after loss, accept it, improve, performance and work on negatives. But still it hurts every time I loose. I hurts and it hurts more than the way it normaly does to other people.

I again wanna cry for all those losses which i accepted in these 4-5 years without dropping a tear for them. I wanna cry like mad, wanna brood over all that....... M feeling uneasy, m disturbed, m more passionate, COZ I AGAIN DON'T WANNA LOOSE ANYMORE without hurting myself. I just don't wanna loose every now and than. I wanna hurt myself everytime I loose, I wanna cry and brrod everytime I loose, I wanna get fearsome after every loss, I wanna be a complete WINNER after every loss. I want to come back Hard after any loss. I just dont want to accept any loss easily.

God, give me the power to adjust with realities and the power to win.
God give me Passion to move ahead, like a fiery freak.
God give me the fun thats an outcome of Win.
God after all "patience" which u have been teaching all this while, Give me the "WINS" and "VICTORIES" that I deserve.

PUMPED UP I M!!!


Life might be about fretting and frowning,
It should be about having fun,
It may have bit of crying,
Life's certainly not about loosing all the time,
It's neither about complaining,
It's about competing, it's about surviving all the odds!!
LIFE's ABOUT WINNING

That's what I call controled madness