Lil late to realize.....

Have I ever been in a normal state of mind??? ....A big question m asking myself...

Agian recalling the old times...... cursing myself, to let ma own things get out of my hands :( I know regrets wont help but than they are deffinately teaching something. Those lovely things you possesed were never taken care by you. Now when u have lost them, it feels as if those were the only things worth taking care of..... pathetic!!!

She was on my side, always trying to pamper me, always trying to woo me and "me ???" as if I was a jerk ass :( Can't remember many people who took care as she did. This one is difficult to forget...when we were at India Gate, a beggar came and started begging. Beggar gave endless wishes to us and said "I'll pray that you both stay together for times to come" on this she instantly took out 50 bucks from her wallet and gave it to the beggar. At that time I found it a mere stupidity but today such memories pinch me like anything. C'mmon you stupid ass, she loved you so much and you took her for granted for so many days and weeks and months and years till she left to never come nack.

I remember our dates in CP, where we always had a fight on "who'll decide where to go next". I remember the way she celebrated my 21st birthday.....I still carry those bills.... C'mmon dear, why u did u leave me???? I still remember when she took me to places where i never went earlier...."Garden of 5 senses" it was among our last few dates... It was raining and we were getting romantic (wt i felt at that time), but there was a lot going through her mind that day (this I realized later). And last date was worst, don't know should I even call it a date.....it was just my fate. We went to Gurgaon mall, and I think watched "chocolate" in PVR. I never realized that our differences will rise to such level silently. We couldn't manage to watch movie even till half time. That was a messy time, she stayed mum for the maximum time, she kept hiding things....... She went back early that day, I dropped her to her place. She went back and since than never came back for any other date.....never ever. We never watched that movie despite buying those costly tickets, we never enjoyed that cozy theatre environment for which we went there...... I spoiled a lot but she did the rest and the painful patch made my life standstill for months.......

......Sudden invitation for her birthday party popped up. It was surprisingly shocking. But than she cleared a lot.... She introduced me to her friends "meet Rohit, the one I loved, my ex", not even my soul can forget these words. When we were together she always asked me for a dance and going to discs. On her b'day we had a chance but she Din't even came close to me....she pretended and pretended everything...... It was so awkward for me to be a part of that party, still I was looking like the happiest guy out there.........height of pretending...... but my thoughts were continuously taking me to a traumatic stage. And my nerve wrecking accident while coming back from East Of Kailash venue of her party was the obvious result of disturbing thots. I bleeded that day not only from knee, ankle and elbow but also from heart. My heart bleeded more than any other organ. I still remember I gifed her that special chocolate box from Nirula's, Big Tedyy bear, A greeting card, and Lovely roses. They were worth more than any of my previous gifts I ever presented to anyone.

When we were together I hardly took care of her. I never realized that she can walk out too and if even if in dire thoughtsI realized it than I never worried about the fact.......... suddenly she left, at last. She proved a lot, she taught me thousands of management theories...... and made me realize my fault which I never realized when she was with me...........

There are countlless unforgettable moments...... moments when she cried or even i cried.....but.....

Recently I heard that she'll be marrying in next 10 months............
I wish that she stays happy and I become stronger.......